Parenting Mistakes Made by Parents but Hurt The Whole Family

Bismillah,

English again huh?? Alaaa...let me practise 2-3 times a week.. :D Then I can mix budu in my language. Oh ya...its about 1 month living in Kelantan but we still dont have time to buy budu. Seems like 'ore Kelate' still not get the Kelate aura without the budu.

Direct to the point, what is the top mistakes that we as a parents did to our kids but it just not hurt them, but we also will be hurt :

1. Watch your mouth - heyy..dont go to the mirror and do the muncung2 to see your mouth. Its actually our language. Well, our language is extremely important to be mindful about. The kids is like a sponge not a spongebob hokeyh! and they absorbs everything and never stop. They takes everything literally.

For example, I ask my kid to "Stop running around!!" and guess what?? My kids heard "Run around!". So, its not very effective, is it? Yeah...yeah..I forgot that kids think differently, so I must state commands in the positive way. Give them permission to be good and lets look at these minor corrections.

Instead of "Stop asking for sirap, it is just an additional colour and no good for you." Say "Kids, drink this roselle, it is the same red and no additional colour"

Instead of "Why are you yelling", say, "Okay, Lets talk with cute voice that you have for a minute"

Actually this is very powerful just by switching around a negative statement into a positive one, we can see instant changes in behavior. But.....hehehehe... when we change to a Tarzan at one time, it is just hard to leave the attitude, but you have to Pija!!

2. Stop asking WHY! - seriously, this is amongst my biggest mistakes. I really know that they are not going to give me a rational explanation when they did wrong. Example, I asked Usamah, "Why did you hit Uwaiys?". I dont expect Usamah to say, "Well, I was playing the LEGO but I had a hard time making it look like an aeroplane so I got frustrated so when Uwaiys come near to me, I hit him!"

Well friends, there is actually no truly rational explanation for the kids behaviour, stop looking for one! Instead of using the word WHY, how about the words HOW??

OK, lets redo my dialog with Usamah, "How did hitting Uwaiys make you feel about yourself?" So, maybe we can expect to see shame and then ask, "Can you thing of other ways of being mad?" and then we can offer the positive suggestions.

3. Focus on the important things and the other things will fix themselves - look at a tree, if it is something wrong with the root, no use we only cover the fruit. Right now, our kids is acting up for a reason that makes sense only to them. That reason is much show that they feel threatened a situation and just need positive attention and love. We are not suppose to stop the tantrums, yelling and other irritating behavior, but to make them feel secure.

Ummpph...Asmaa' is near to 7 years old, and I got so many mistakes that I have to make things rite. Well, actually I LOVE them a lot but always the Tarzan image come and frame me inside. Uwaaaaaaaaaaaaaa........I wanna be a good mother!!